Wednesday, 26 March 2014

It's hard to hold the hand of anyone who is reaching to the sky just to surrender.

It has been a year and a day now, like the old Pre-Raphaelite poem. The one I loved so when I knew so little other poetry; I used to obsess over Elizabeth Siddal so much I wrote a song about her (terrible recording but, oh well.) I digress; a year and a day. Long enough to convert to Wicca if I felt so inclined (another past obsession.) A year and a day of clutching to a memory like a crucifix; clutching to a handful of half-hopes that, even in the beginning, were only built from a fallacy of false affection; only the result of being so lonely, so low that you have no choice but to lower your standards person by person until eventually the first man that half-smiles will do. I invented you! I invented all of you! How clever, how imaginative, and in the end; how deluded.

But, oh, so fun to laugh about! 
So fun to indulge in; the drunken tears, diary entries, determined kisses, each one another stake in the heart that won't even notice. Morrissey; It is pretty boys not girls that make the deepest graves.
By now, after searching for too long through you're self-absorbed traumas; the two of you so intertwined I can't remember who replaced who.

It breaks me; we are so human! 

Masochist; "you can lie back now."

I won't even try to replace you anymore.

image; me
image; mine






7 comments:

  1. "A year and a day of clutching to a memory like a crucifix; clutching to a handful of half-hopes that, even in the beginning, were only built from a fallacy of false affection; only the result of being so lonely, so low that you have no choice but to lower your standards person by person until eventually the first man that half-smiles will do. I invented you! I invented all of you! How clever, how imaginative, and in the end; how deluded."
    ....man this is me,.but instead of a year it's.been three,,, i'm lame i know...and you're.brilliant, just brilliant. This is awesome material to feed on

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  2. "Fallacy of false affection" Well if that isn't the most perfect sentence I've ever heard. You are right though, sometimes it is so lovely and needed to wallow and let yourself feel what you've created for yourself. There is nothing wrong with reliving that pain sometimes, as long as it doesn't flood you forever. Adore adore adore.

    Em
    Tightrope to the Sun

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  3. I sometimes wonder if anyone actually lives in the real world. I know I don't, I'm always somewhere else, thinking that tomorrow things will get better, I will have everything I want and need and nothing will ever need to be replaced. If that's not an invention I don't know what is.

    / Avy
    http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com




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  4. pretty pictures!

    www.ensembledeux.blogspot.com

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  5. i just happened upon your blog... you are very compelling, and now i will pour over more of your words because i am way too curious not to. i like the way you write.

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  6. Pretty boys! They sure have a lot of tricks up their sleeves. Illusions created with their pretty eyes; magic words spoken by their pretty lips. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, they're gone.

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Thank you for your words.