Thursday, 6 March 2014

I have a hiding place when spring marches in.

I don't want anything anymore. I am giving up. I am too naive, too credulous; tell me anything, I'll drink up and swallow your every word and cling to them like biblical truths (strange simile, the bible has always been a point of doubt for me, whatever.) It must stem from a deep unconscious love, mustn't it? To always see the best in people, isn't that just a display of profound hope in humanity? (Cringe.) A coping contrivance maybe; paving a sheltered path from here to the end. Oh god throw your fucking storms at me, I don't even care anymore, maybe a storm would wash away the grey, grey, grey; the mundanity, the boxes Plath says 'are only temporary' and yet seem to long overstay their welcome. I look at Crimea, Ukraine, Syria, Palestine and I am utterly helpless, hopeless, insignificant and flattened, how can we be expected to ever get out of bed again? Even here in my own safety net I declare war every morning, on myself, on my mother; my mother who fights her wars with a vengeance so stark it must only come from love.
 I come from nothing at all, the loneliest place in the world is the one in which we are needed by no one and I am fading and fading. Please remind me; I exist.

image mine
image mine


9 comments:

  1. you write so beautifully; i love this

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  2. And you do exist , little one. Always, always , in the heart of this ( and all your readers .)
    Take heart.
    You are loved.

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  3. You do exist. And your words will exist even after all of us are gone. The boxes are temporary, believe me. You will fly. xx

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  4. Do you feel any less lonely when the sun comes out?
    Either way, we can exist in the grey together.

    xx
    LuLu
    Breakfast After 10

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  5. Brilliant piece of writing! Your words are your legacy, they are proof you exist.
    "tell me anything, I'll drink up and swallow your every word and cling to them like biblical truths (strange simile, the bible has always been a point of doubt for me, whatever.) " - tell me about it!... I really related to this part.

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  6. I've been feeling much the same way lately. So much horrible has happened. But even more than that, so much melancholy seems to be resting in my bones. It's hard to breathe sometimes. But trust me, breathing is always there. There is your truth. No need for a bible verse. Just breathe and be. You are loved and you are brilliant.

    Em
    Tightrope to the Sun

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  7. You exist, love, & you are beautiful, & your words are, too.
    I never say 'I love you' enough these days, but please know that I do.

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  8. this is amazing, I love your words. xx

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  9. Excellent writing. I love the pictures as well. You are gifted, please remember that. "the loneliest place in the world is the one in which we are needed by no one" You will never be lonely my friend, because the world needs people to express themselves in the manner in which you do. The world needs to feel.

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Thank you for your words.