Thursday, 7 November 2013

Scared of the middle place between light and nowhere; I don't want to be the one left in there.

Still feeling the coldness in the pit of my stomach when I hear his name, I try my utmost not to let my aversion distract me; after all this is supposed to be the year my mind is steadfast on getting 'it' together and deciding what it is I am going to spend the rest of my One Great Life doing; not that I won't change my mind sporadically and faster than waves turn as soon as I've come to any vague conclusion.

I am sick of this place anyway, God knows, I was ready to leave before I'd even arrived, I am sick this taste, sick of the way I let the grey light in morning after morning when I know it doesn't change anything but the date, and I:

I am sick of my face; sick of the way I
coil up like a spool or a ball of wool. Your tools
are of no use, to you or to anyone.

Don't flatter me with your feigned concern; I learned to discern that from altruism long ago. I having nothing to do but sit here in this room of makeshift familiarity watching your shoulders heave and collapse like Rome or Pompeii; or anything else that was once great.

We stop and sigh for a second, and we just get on with our days.





Also, RIP Lou Reed; such an inspirational beautiful soul you were. I feel the need to share this elegy by the equally wonderful Patti Smith.








3 comments:

  1. I have had these feelings several times before. There's a quote that I strongly believe in: "Someday someone is going to come along and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else" :)

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    1. I love that quote! I do so hope it's true!

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  2. That's one of my favorite velvet underground songs. That and Oh! Sweet Nothing. Such brilliance going on there. This post is full of brilliance too. You have a lovely mind for words. Your line about watching his shoulders collapse like something that was once great is breathtakingly perfect.

    Em
    Tightrope to the Sun

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