Are you any happier now than you were that day it rained and your best friend went to the beach without you so you sheltered in the 3-storey bookshop on Dawson street and spent an hour on each floor and bought nothing. Or the nights in that room you spent dreaming to Astral Weeks, and spreading out the tarot deck, knowing there was something out there, and sprinkling salt circles around you, just in case. Or when you took the train to London in the summer and learned how to pray, happier than you'd ever been. Do you remember sitting at the grimey green tables in that cafe, smoking and reading Jean Rhys in your black sixties' polo-neck and your black fishnets with your black fucking coffee, a magnet for the junkies and buskers and acid casualties and sad-eyed forty-somethings searching for the Manic Pixie of their dreams, while she just sits daydreaming at the walls softened by decades of gig posters and graffiti. Speaking of graffiti, do you remember that scrawl you spied on the bathroom door in that pub in Galway that said 'the boy I love just asked me to marry him in the smoking area' and, underage-drunk on cheap cider, you cried and cried. (Please, by all means, drag me to any smoking area anywhere and ask me to marry you, drunk or otherwise.) Do you remember the sunny days you spent wandering from Eyre Square to Quay Street and back again over and over, waiting for anything to happen, and the time you hadn't seen or spoken to another human being for days so you just put on a Talking Heads cd and danced and laughed at it all and prided yourself on your ability to endure and went out to sing to the apple trees. Do you remember all the times you sat in Stephen's Green telling secrets to the ducks, reading in the shade and the time you found the bus ticket in your bag that said 'Adult Single' and you took it literally and cried or maybe laughed, and you first read that Anne Sexton quote that said something like 'I've been lost for a long time now, it's about time I stop expecting people to keep me found' and you nodded with a knowing acceptance and the bus kept trundling.
But do you remember when we first kissed, in the cooling twilight and our hands knew where to meet and for a second I thought I actually had been found, and somehow the clocks kept going, and the city sighed on regardless.
We're all going to die, we're all going to die, we're all going to die! Look how free we are! We're all going to die! Can't you see everything is irrelevant?! We're all going to die! Hold me while you can!